My Muse has ADHD

Some authors can actually visualize their Muses: male, female, short, tall—all that good stuff.  I can’t.  My muse is a dark silhouette that dashes around the labyrinth of my mind and shifts shape and form constantly.  I’m fine with that, as long as it guides me straight, it can be a crow for all I care. 

So, a little while back a friend gave me the good advice of settling on 20 stories out of the hundreds I’ve started and dedicate myself to those 20.  Those 20 will be the ones I fight alongside until the end (publication, hopefully).  The list turned out to be 22 (including 2 manuscripts I’d already completed minus editing) and today it hit 23.  Why?  Because my Muse is ADHD.  Really. 

Most people can focus on one story and dedicate themselves to it….much like a relationship.  Not me.  Usually I’m continuously working on at least three with several on the back burner (I’m very committed in relationships though—I would never cheat).  Today, my Muse (maybe I’ll call it Crow) flew to an old story idea—one that I started, got several pages in, built a rough skeleton outline, and then left.  Well, now, not only have I been thinking about that story all day, and hearing the hero's voice in my head commanding an introduction with the heroine who escaped him, but I’ve got characters and a skeletal storyline for book 2.  Really?  Really?!  As if I don’t have enough characters in my mental army.  22—23 stories, each with a minimum of 2 characters (math is not my strong suit—bear with me!) puts me with about 46 made up people marching through my mind more or less on a daily basis. 

I may go insane before the end. 

Writing Difficulties

I've been struggling to do what I love for the past few months so naturally I've been wondering....what the hell is the problem?  I love the handful of stories I've been juggling and the stories' characters.  Friends and Twitter friends I've bounced my thoughts and ideas off of think that I've got some great stories.  Not writing makes me unhappy.  So why can't I WRITE my stories?  I mean I've been writing every day of my life since forever.  I still plan on going to college to better my craft and I still intend on seeing my books on the romance shelves in Borders stores someday.  So what the hell is the problem?  Over the past few days I've gotten a mild grasp on at least part of it. 

I'm losing my motivation.  Why?  Because I'm still writing for myself.  I want to share my stories, but there isn't anyone demanding them.  So I have no pressure to hit my daily word count goal.  Since I'm a Plotter and not a Pantser, I already know my stories.  Spending hours sitting on my butt typing is starting to appeal to me less and less as the sun shines.  Yes....I'm weak....you are too so don't be so judgmental. 

Published authors have agents and readers awaiting their next book.  Right now, I'm still writing for me.  I don't even have a critique group to snap that whip.  And it's a large part of why I'm so looking forward to taking writing classes at Southern New Hampshire University and joining the Creative Writing Club--I'll have deadlines.  I've heard before that deadlines are important for an author, but now that I've fallen off of the dream trail so to speak, I realize how truly important they are.

I know I want to finish two manuscripts for this October.  I know that I want to be published before I graduate college with a second manuscript accepted.  But both of those are very loose deadlines.  So I need to tighten up my goals.  I currently have a daily word count goal of 3k words that I've not even been close to hitting.  So--how am I going to find the trail again?  I'm going to whip my Muse and me back into shape.  Forget about the morning stretches, I'll get up while it's still quiet and dark and submerge myself in whichever one of my main manuscripts reaches for me first.  I'm going to start using Dr. Wicked's Write or Die website http://writeordie.drwicked.com/ so that I definitely hit my daily word count goal.  I'm going to finally join the New Hampshire Romance Writers of America so I'm among my own kind and that should do the trick of keeping me en route until the fall semester rolls around.  Generally, all anyone needs is a little push, but we're usually pushed in too many directions by too many different things.  I'm an extremely stubborn person, I can push back.  I won't be lost.

"Don't be pushed by your problems.  Be led by your dreams."  -Anonymous

Difficulties with my fantasy romance WIP

At the end of the summer I completed my very first manuscript (YAY!!!): a science fiction with strong romantic elements temporarily titled Jagged Edge. I know that many writers have trouble transitioning from their finished manuscript to their next WIP. By the time I finished Jagged Edge I felt ENTIRELY ready to move on. There were three other stories in my mind all demanding attention. One, a fantasy romance titled Risking Existence, was never fully mollified while I wrote Jagged Edge, and it was foremost on my mind when I had finally finished. Unfortunately, I started classes again immediately after the completion of Jagged Edge and I had to once again squash down my characters and their stories. Regrettably, this time it worked too well and I've had a difficult time stirring my muse again since (I think I've hurt her feelings). Risking Existence remains mainly unchanged.

During lull point in my classes, I kept busy working on plot, character building, goals, and motivation. I read somewhere that if a writer has writer's block, s/he hasn't thought enough about their story. I wish I could remember where I read that piece of advice because I feel that it is some of the best advice on writing I've ever received. I find it extremely helpful to take a notebook and pen and go sit outside somewhere. At times, the pressure of the laptop can be too much, making me feel like I need to perform and produce NOW. With only the wind, green trees, cloudy skies, lines, and lead I can allow myself time to think on my story and coax whatever is struggling inside of me out.

So while distracting myself in math class I realized something of monumental importance about my WIP, Risking Existence:

I don't like my heroine.

Powers That Be, beat me. When I realized this I must have had the dumbest expression on my face. Everything just stopped while I turned over this thought several more times. I forgot I was sitting in math class, I forgot math even existed--all I could think was I don't like my heroine.

Oops. Well I finally realized why I couldn't write my story. I love my antihero, I love all of my heroine's companions, but her--I didn't even like. When I read a story, I like a strong female main character: stubborn, determined, sarcastic, witty, motivated, etc. My Risking Existence heroine was none of those things. Marion was timid, compliant, quiet, submissive, and I didn't like her at all. She was way too weak for my half-demon anithero Rohgen. Hell--I didn't even like her name. So during the rest of my math class I recreated her. Her physical appearance changed, she gained goals and motivation, she grew a backbone (although she isn't going to use it at the beginning out of a sense of obligation), she can even think for herself!! I still need to learn a little bit more about her--and find her a new name--but once I do, I know Risking Existence will burst from me like a burning weave of magick.